progression not perfection
Updated: Jul 19, 2020
I am not perfect but I know through Christ I can do all things. In reality though, I don’t even really want to do all the things-- i’d rather do nothing sometimes...most times. But when God places a purpose on your life, and reveals that to you, who am I to refuse? There are 2 things I know to be true:
1. I am so utterly fufilled doing the work that God calls me to do, whether that be in the church, in my career, in my family, or even in casual conversations. Walking in your purpose is the most aligning, most---ugh indescribable thing. Leaving an experience knowing that was EXACTLY what I was born to do, or that I was exactly where I supposed to be.
2. I sometimes feel so overwhelmed with the all things. Just so many things, all the time. At times it feels like i’m drowning under the weight of my obligations. And it's not like I don’t enjoy these obligations (read point 1.) Many of them I prayed & hoped for, and everyday I discover new ways God wants to use me and the creativity He’s placed in me. Its great, but also a lot.
As we are complex beings, these two things can be true at the same time. I can be tired, annoyed, confused, etc and yet know so clearly that I am EXACTLY where I need to be. But what I have to remind myself & focus on (and i’m easily distracted) is that God is not a God of confusion.
He says when I am weary He will give me rest.
So when these feelings arise I gotta take a quick self inventory--when was the last time I read my word? Sat in worship? or just spent time with God? If I'm being honest, sometimes the answer is weeks, and sometimes months.
Truthfully, God didn’t design this life for me to walk in my purpose alone, and every time I try to go by my own might, I burnout. I’m not meant to do it alone, I’m meant to do it through Christ. Its not enough to simply say “I can do all things through Christ who strengths me” but you actually...have to do it... through Christ.
It has taken me an embarrassingly long time to truly understand that, lol.
I have to devote time, every single day to really talk with God. And i’m still not perfect at it, but I see the progress.
And don’t get me wrong, I read a verse or two every single day--but out of habit. And I say short prayers all the time--but when I'm sitting down to eat, or when i’m leaving my house, or right before bed. My parents hold a conference call every single night to pray & worship as a fam--but I sometimes tune out.
With everything going in the world, in my life--that lil minute it takes to read 1 verse simply doesn't it cut it everyday.
A 5 min vs 60 min counseling session with a therapist hits drastically different, and with God as my driving force in life-- what is He to do with that one minute of access I give when Him life gets busy?
Technically He could do whatever He wants--He’s God, He can and has changed lives in just a second, but its not about that. As I seek to mature each day as a child of God I know He wants me to choose Him. To willingly spend time with Him. To allow Him to pursue me. In therapy you know the real work doesnt begin until you really want it, and God has gifted us with the free will to choose Him so He can begin to do the real work in you.
Anyway, lately I’ve been feeling more and more convicted to share my walk with Christ with others and online---which tbh is scary but vulnerability is a beautiful thing. So here we go.
In exactly 25 days from now I’ll be turning 25 and as I embark into this new season, I asked myself what I really wanted for birthday--and the answer was just to live my life. Truly live it. So I’ve decided to do 25 things everyday that I love, or feel is important to do to prove to myself that through God I can start living my life more intentionally, and not just napping in my apartment lollll.
joy & light,